heather + finn !

Well, it happened. It had to happen, I suppose. The radiation side effects have finally kicked in. I was so shocked, because I had gone 20 out of 25 treatments with nothing but a little gas, when suddenly, WHAM! I got the “sudden diarrhea” that had been mentioned (wow, that’s sudden—sorry to be graphic) and the debilitating fatigue reminiscent of Methatrexate. Yesterday, I slept till 10:30 am, then couldn’t get off the couch, and I actually went to bed while our best friends Chris and Wendy were here. I was a little discouraged—I have been feeling so great, and it was a real blow to be so out of it so quickly. My radiation technicians confirmed for me that it usually happens around 20 or 21 treatments, and in my case, it might be a little worse because the pelvis is such a big marrow producer, and we are hitting it hard. It just sort of made me face what’s ahead a little sooner than I expected. At one point yesterday, lying on the radiation table, I thought, “what if the rest of my life is like this? Under big machines or in hospitals? What if the rest of my life isn’t that long?” I rarely think this way, and I think that it was just the suddenness of the change that made me take a little emotional dive. Dick was a hero, and helped me find peace all day. I feel much better today, and really deep down inside, I know that this illness is going to be a year out of a long life—a year about introspection and growth and evolution and faith. A gift. there’s more →

I am not, by trade nor by inclination, a writer. Words often come easily to me, but writing them down doesn’t, for some reason. I try to make it easier for myself by writing exactly how I think and what I feel. The result is something that is often a bit abstract-random, and something that I usually think will be of interest only to my parents. The process is cathartic for me, however, and I have been so encouraged by readers of this website, that I am compelled to stick to it, even when I’m not sure I have anything to say.

(That’s my pathetic [and wordy] way of excusing the fact that I haven’t written for weeks. Perhaps a simple apology would suffice. I am sorry!)

The truth is, that things are, in general, wonderfully, peacefully, boringly GOOD for the time being. there’s more →

June 19

Much to tell, weddings and visits and more dancing and Dad’s day and radiation and future plans. This week, a big report, I promise. And of COURSE more photographs…I just took 500 of Finn last week. I’ll only post a few though….here’s one to tide you over. PLEASE stay tuned.

Love, Heather

Last night I danced. Random songs were playing from my computer and “Heal Me” by Melissa Etheridge came on and I got up to get my pen. Instead, I started to dance. Bald head, wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans, feeling beautiful in the Now, I danced around the living room while Dick and Finn looked on. Dick and I used to spend Friday nights at home dancing, glasses of wine, our den transformed into a club, all of our favorite dance music, fast and slow. We always ended the evening with our two favorite love songs. So many gatherings at the Weaf’s have revolved around music and dancing, the whole family, sometimes hand in hand. Many cold and warm nights at the lake have had us dancing in our tiny cabin in the woods. I love to dance. I honestly cannot remember the last time I danced. Perhaps it was when our friend Matt came to visit last October. Already in a lot of pain, I did most of my dancing supine on the couch, while Matt and Dick cut the rug. We had so much fun. Since then, I have wondered many times if I would ever be able to dance again. So last night, I felt good, the right song came on, and I seized the moment. The song ended and I opened my eyes to see Dick in his chair in tears. He called me glorious. We had a good cry and hugged and kissed Finny. there’s more →