heather + finn !

It is Sunday evening and we are still on this rollercoaster from hell…or is it heaven?? Physically, all is going as expected with the transplant. Heather got her cells back Friday and is slogging through the weekend as her blood counts plummet and the side effects of the chemo really set in. She has sores from her mouth to her stomach which make eating unpleasant. On top of that, what goes down is not always happy to stay down. She swears she will never eat another ppj for the rest of her life after the pain and nausea caused by the last. Her blood counts will continue to drop for the next couple of days and what little hair she has will likely be gone by the end of the week. On Tuesday or Wednesday, the docs will start giving her drugs to encourage blood cell development and hopefully her body gets the hint and starts to recover. there’s more →

Hello again,

I am finding myself with lots of time here while Heather sleeps, and wanted all of you who keep checking in to know how important your messages are to us. It is amazing how somewone always says just the right thing just when we need to hear it. The first few days of treatment were really, really tough for Heather. I think she was more down
submitting to this than ever before. Getting the chemo is not supposed to be the worst part of treatment, but it took its toll on Heather emotionally. The dam broke yesterday and there were rivers of tears. Tears for missing Finn, tears of anger, tears of fear, tears of frustration, tears of despair and tears for the sake of tears. The good news is that the chemo is over forever, her swelling from all of the fluid has gone down considerably and she was smiling when I came in today. The room was decorated with pictures of Finn and one of her favorite nurses is in charge. What has happened reminds me of what happens when you shake a can of soda too much. When you open it up, it comes gushing out. It was hard few days, but she seems ready to heal now. there’s more →

Hi everyone.

Heather has started her bone marrow transplant. We left home on Tuesday for a meeting with the docs and a few last minute tests at the hospital, and spent a few nights with Kim and Tiff and the babies in Reading. Mom and Dad Weaf were here to help out too. After a few nice days with the family we headed to the hospital on Friday afternoon o check in. Hopefully saying goodbye to Finn will be the hardest part of this ordeal for heather. She spent some quiet time with him alone on the bed upstairs. She did not really start crying until whe brought him down the stairs and saw the rest of us with tears in our eyes. Needless to say it was a painful goodbye for her. The little squish new something was going on. He nuzzled into his Mommy and hung on to her pretty tight when it was time to part. My sister and grandmother were there to take him from her with promises that he would be well cared for. It was one of our harder moments. Hopefully the hardest of this entire ordeal. there’s more →

I just stole quietly into your room for a peek at you, my slumbering son. Tonight, after tosses and turns, you have landed widthwise in your crib, feet neatly together as always, knees up in the air sticking out from your night-shirt. Your left thumb is in you mouth and your right fist covers one eye. In this way you have shut out the world, lost in your dreams—all happy I hope. Even in your sleep, you charm me.

I stood there for a while, just watching, seeing, Praying. Yesterday, I heard a wise woman say that Prayer is having something to say, and someone to say it to. To you, I have much to say. You will come to know that I say these things to you in the written word and imagery— photographic and in colored inks. Often I will Pray quietly in your ear, or in the silent stillness of my heart. I have much to say to you indeed.

(Please visit the photo gallery to see some snapshots from the journal I have been working on for Finn. It is a lovely leather bound book, hand made by two ladies in northern Maine [They go by “Zip Sopp” and you should keep an eye out for them at finer craft fairs]. I began the journal for him while I was laid up from sciatica last fall, before I was diagnosed. The journal has been a wonderful medium for me to preserve our journey together for Finn, and to express myself creatively in times when I can do nothing but that. I am more than half way through one of these beautiful volumes, and to my great luck, Dad Weaf and I happened to find the journal ladies at Moosehead last weekend. I purchased two more rustic, leather-bound empty tomes, just waiting to be filled with more Finny Prayer.)

One week before we leave for Boston…there will be more updates in the next few days, and I will also be posting throughout my transplant so please stay tuned. We’ll need you now more than ever as we face this final big push to wellness.

Love love love,
Heather